Today I Turned into Andy Rooney at the Victoria's Secret

This afternoon I went to Victoria's Secret: I had a coupon for free panties. I've never before in my life felt like a big prude. I was the girl dancing on the bar in Rome with a rose in my teeth. Growing up in a medical family, I've talked out loud about things that make most people blush to their toenails. I've bought all sorts of crazy personal items in shady places with a defiant gleam in my eye. I went to a liberal arts college. I am also a grown-up.

And I was brought up short by this kid.

He was 15, 16 max. Definitely could not yet shave. Accompanied by his equally young girlfriend who was, of course, yakking on her cell phone. You know the one. It has stickers and charms and glitters all over it.

I don't mind glitters and charms - I actually like them. But for Pete's sweet sake! What happened to common decency? Leave the boyfriend across the hall at the Buckle or downstairs at the food mart. Have some sort of mystery when you're picking up your everyday underwear.

But was she picking out everyday stuff? NoooOOOoooo. She most certainly was not. They were picking out sexy lingerie for each other. They were BABIES! And here he was, in ancient flip-flops, wearing a stained T-shirt, covered in acne, sporting a super-swoop hairdo, sucking on a soft drink with one hand and holding up bras and panties on this baby girl's front while trying to size up what she'll look like in the sack.

I wouldn't do that in public WITH MY OWN HUSBAND.

The defiant gleam in HIS barely-pubescent eyes absolutely turned my stomach. Come on honey, let yourself grow up a little. What the hell happened to soapbox car races? OK, that's way too old-fashioned. Playing basketball? Movies? Fishing? Swimming? A summer job to buy a car? Or even xbox tournaments? At least that couldn't stick you with a kid or an STD.

Really. What's wrong with these people?

Our children are going to hate me.

Photo courtesy of VS.