Friday, May 13, 2011

What a Difference a Year Makes

A year ago Sunday was Mother’s Day. I was terribly sad that day because I didn’t know if I would ever be a mother. I was impatient with my body and God’s timing, and every month’s disappointment brought me to a new level of sadness. I was beginning to lose hope. We had brunch at the Fairview Inn with my mom and a good friend of mine with her husband and son, and it was so hard not to burst into tears at the table. Even though I had just been on the most incredible girls' trip to the beach, which proved that a childless life wasn't such a bad thing.

A year ago Monday I went to bed with a wastebasket next to the bed. Mike was on the midnight shift, so I was sleeping alone. I thought the overindulgence at the buffet had caught up with me.

A year ago Tuesday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The nausea was gone (never to return), but I was so grouchy and had the impulse to kick the cat. Mike had come home and was eating his supper after a long night at work, and it was the cat-kicking impulse that led me to take a pregnancy test.

When I wound my way back to the test, I found two faint pink lines. I’d never seen that before.

I stumbled into the kitchen, looking for Mike. He was in the garage, and I leaned against the refrigerator, looking down the hall, shaking, with tears falling from my face. I showed him the test and went to hand it to him, but he recoiled because, well, everybody knows how you take a pregnancy test. He was pleased but cautiously optimistic and wanted for me to wait a few days and take one again. I put him to bed for the day, but I couldn’t stand it. I called the doctor’s office, and they wanted me to come in for bloodwork as soon as possible.

Later that day, I was sitting at my desk at Fondren, and my cell phone rang. It was Carolyn. They wanted an Hcg level of 25 . My level was 62. I was “definitely pregnant.” My heart sang.

I went to find Katy and get a big hug from our baby’s Godmother. Then I went to Albriton’s and bought a sterling rattle made up of three rings intertwined. When Mike woke up that afternoon, I gave him the rattle, but he didn’t know what it was. I almost had to draw the man a picture. He was so happy, hugged me tight, and asked me about every single detail of my doctor’s appointment earlier that day.

A year ago yesterday I went back for more bloodwork. The doctor wanted my level to double, but it almost TRIPLED to 183. My new favorite number.

A year ago Sunday I never dreamed I’d have such a sweet challenge wrapped up in this precious package of a baby girl. Thank you God. I wonder what You'll do in our lives a year from now.



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